I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
