Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
