I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize