apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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