im drinking this country out of the recession.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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