I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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