You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
