Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
