You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
