That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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