Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
