Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
