The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
