He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
