Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
