so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
