but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
