Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
