Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
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