On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
