A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
