I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
