If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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