I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
