I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
