so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
