i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My dick has a subreddit
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
