we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
