I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
