i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
