Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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