dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
