mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize