the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
