I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
