Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
