so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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