You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
