Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize