Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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