Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Soap is not a condiment
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
