If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
