Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
