Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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