Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
