The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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