i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
