I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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