I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
