I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
