How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
