I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
