I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
