I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
