I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
