Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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