I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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