They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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