Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
