Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize