Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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