My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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