dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
