Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
