i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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